Take the Call

A current trend in American society is people dodging phone calls. Memes, stories, and short vlogs exist, making fun of call ghosting or dodging. Millennials, in particular, get the award for call dodging. Most millennials will stop at nothing to dodge a phone call, even letting the call go to voice mail just to turn around and text a response.

I might be the odd one out when it comes to answering calls, especially since I am a member of the Millennial generation, yet I answer the phone for everyone I know if it is possible. I have faced frequent hilarious situations given my phone answering propensity. I once wanted to see how long a spam caller (without a foreign number) would stay on the phone as I performed a musical piece for them. They must not have been fans of my music because they only hung around for a minute before hanging up on me. There go my plans of being a live on-hold music performer.

To date, two phone calls and one text have left the biggest impression on me.

I'm not a fan of texting for a few reasons. For one, I have struggled my entire life with spelling, to the point that my family celebrated the day that spellcheck would offer recommendations for corrected spelling. I find that tone and meaning are overtly complex in text messages. I remember sleepless nights as a young adolescent boy trying to decode messages via text from girls I liked. What did "k see u" mean? Does she really want to see me, or is she just being nice? What does k mean? Did I do something to make her mad, or was she just in a hurry? This struggle was also compiled with text messages charging per character to text, so there was a bit of shorthand L33t messaging happening, making every text message a secret message to decode.

For me, the main reason I hate text messages is because they lack emotion and personal connection. I still remember receiving a well-meaning message via text that my grandmother had passed. I was teaching a brass sectional at the time and had iMessages hooked up to my devices. So the message flashed in front of me as I was teaching from my iPad, and it caused me to pause like a deer in headlights. I was expecting my grandmother to pass, and was expecting the news within a day or two. Even though I was expecting the news, I will never forget the feeling of someone near and dear to my heart leaving this earth, and the announcement of that departure coming in the form of a quick text. A few characters on a screen. Black and white with a permanence, this person's tense shifted from present to past.

If you have ever been close to me, you know I will not hold many long text conversations without giving you a call. I prefer to hear the voice, sense the emotion, and connect personally with the person texting.

This stated, two phone calls have left equally deep impressions in my heart.

I had just gotten off work at The Salvation Army in Dallas, TX, and finished commuting to our little third-floor apartment in Arlington. I beat Vanessa home and was about to fix dinner. I received a call from my mother's phone. "Hello, is Jeffrey there," said an unrecognizable voice on the other end of the line. "Yes, this is Jeff. How can I help you." There was a brief nervous pause then the unfamiliar voice said, "I need to let you know that your father has passed away." I was filled with laughter. The kind of nervous laughter that you get when you cannot comprehend what you were just told. "This has got to be a prank. Who are you, and why would you say something like this? Did Dee put you up to this?" The voice on the phone identified as Jane Doe, an office manager at my mother's workplace. Then, from a distance, I heard my mother yell out that this was true and that my father had passed away. I cannot recall the rest of the conversation. I was stunned and numb, standing alone in a small apartment in complete disbelief that my world had just turned upside down.

I received this phone call on April 17th, 2017. From that day forward, I preferred to avoid answering phone calls. I would only take the calls I knew were necessary, with the lowest probability of containing difficult news. This preference only lasted a few months before I returned to my normal inclination of answering almost every phone call. Every now and then, I would have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I answered a call, but the news was not about death, and I would relax into a warm and friendly conversation.

Enough time passes, and even the nerves dissipate, and life continues with a new sense of normalcy.

December 5th, 2022 (6:00 ish pm) - I received a call from Vanessa, my wife. I looked down at my phone, wondering why Vanessa was calling. Thoughts swirled in my head, "Doesn't she know I'm in class?" "I'm ok with whatever her food plan is." "Why is she calling?" For a split second, I planned on texting Vanessa back. "Hey, what is up? In class, what do you need?" But to my surprise, there was an old familiar feeling that I thought was long gone. A nagging nervousness. A funny feeling within the pit of my stomach that this was a call I had to take. I answered the call, "Hey, what is up? Where are you? You're a bit late? Is everything ok?" Vanessa responded in a weak, exasperated tone, "I've been in an accident but am ok." I paused as I tried to process the information I just heard. Then Vanessa said, "They are taking me to the hospital." I quickly responded, "Which hospital? Sierra Vista or Bisbee?" Vanessa didn't know, and a male voice shouted from behind her, "We are taking her to Copper Queen ER in Bisbee." I thanked the paramedic and hung up the phone.

I didn't fully know how much my world was about to change when I took this call, but I praise God almost daily for taking the call. I have carried around for months the guilt of the thoughts that circled my brain before I knew the news that existed on the other end of the line. But then I had a revelation; although I thought of saying these things about ‘why did you call?’

I didn't.

My actions were good, and even if I had chosen a different response, things would have been ok.

If there is a lesson I wish to pass along to anyone, it is simple and hard. Take the call! If at all possible, take every single call from your loved ones. Life is short, and it is hard. You cannot guess the news that you will receive. And you don't know if it will be the last time you hear the voice of a loved one here on earth.

I praise God that this call wasn't the last time I would hear Vanessa's voice. He answered our prayers - specifically Vanessa's prayer for continued life here on earth.

God will give you more strength and peace than you can imagine in your time of need. I am grateful and blessed for his continued presence in our lives post-accident and surgery. I am blessed by the new perspective on life that I have now. The news was difficult to hear, but I praise God for his mercy, grace, and peace that was with me as I responded to the call.

PS. After writing this post with the full intention of posting it on Monday, June 19th, 2023, I had another call to answer. My mother so graciously flew me up to be with my Arkansas Mom and Dad (Jan and Randy King). Jan had been in the Hospital for over a week and was in the ICU for a few days. We got the chance to sit with her and tell her stories. Although she was not fully responsive, I know she heard us. We prayed for her and for healing. My trip was short-lived as I needed to return to Phoenix, AZ for Sunday. As my flight landed on June 17th, 2023 at 5:56 pm AZ time, there was a call that Jan had passed away.

I will miss hearing Mama Jan’s laughter. Her encouragement for us to create new music. Her uniquely optimistic outlook on life. Her earth grounding, family centering, perspective on how to live a full life. Her amazing hog call. Her succotash and biscuits. Early morning conversations over coffee and late-night conversations about blues music and family stories. I will miss my Arkansas mother deeply. And I am blessed and a much better person having Jan King in my life. I love you Jan and Randy King. Thank you for being so present in my life.