Worship in Doubt
Sometimes I read when Jesus says, “O ye of little faith” and can’t help but imagine that He is speaking directly to me. I know as a church musician and leader, it is not normal to talk about doubt, but I truly believe that doubting can be a part of the process of maturity in the faith.
I remember, as a child, how easy the gospel was. It was easy for me to understand that God sent his only Son to come down to earth. To walk among us, performing wonders and teaching about things unfamiliar and wonderful. Then he sacrificed himself on a cross to save our lives. This story never bothered me in the slightest. It is straightforward enough, right?
Then, as I grew up and became more familiar with the story, it is such a marvel that I started to struggle with aspects of the resurrection story. The word “How” crept into my vocabulary. “How” became my new word. I just couldn’t piece together how this happened. It was a mystery, and my education taught me that I should be able to understand and research to find out any “mysterious” questions. That there is a logical explanation for everything.
Now as a leader in church, it might seem odd, but I think speaking of doubt is a very healthy topic. We shouldn’t know all of the answers.
“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. ”
Our God doesn’t always give us the whole picture, and part of the faith is just that faith. It takes faith to do the work of God.
As part of my word study over worship, the scripture about doubt that stood out to me was the great commission in Matthew 28. The great commission takes place after Holy Week – the death and burial, and resurrection of Jesus. Matthew 28:11-15 talks about the moments right after the guards found out that Jesus’ tomb was empty. They were terrified and scrambling for answers. One of the guards went to town and told the priest that Jesus was gone. This caused an assembly of those in power to try to figure out what had happened. The decision as a council that the only answer was that Jesus’ disciples stole the body. In fact, the guards were paid off to keep this lie! (“they gave a sufficient sum of money to the soldiers” (v.12) “So they took the money and did as they were directed” (v.15).
While this turmoil was happening in the city, the 11 disciples followed Jesus’ instructions to meet on a mountain. There, the disciples showed up, worshiped God, and He gave the disciples the next set of instructions.
“19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
There is a fantastic bit of information in this scripture that I have always glossed over. After the disciples see Jesus in resurrected form, the scripture tells us, “And when they saw him, they worshiped him, but some doubted” (v.17 – emphasis mine).
My mind raced with excitement; even the disciples, those closest to Jesus, had doubts. But they still worshiped God and followed our risen savior.
The term doubt used in this verse can bring up many connotations. Is this section speaking of only the disciples who worshiped…or…were there others in the crowd with them? What did Matthew mean when he used the term doubt? The greek term used for doubt in this instance is Distazō, which refers more to hesitation than to unbelief. (Craig Blomberg, Matthew (vol. 22; The New American Commentary; Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992), 430.)
There are several ways that we can speculate on this doubt, but the main emphasis that got to me was that even though there was doubt (hesitation), they worshiped Him.
I think that it is reasonable to have doubts and hesitations. Even if you have been saved your entire life, there will be moments that you struggle with doubts. I have learned from the scripture that even through my doubt, God loves me, wants to be with me, and can still use me for His glory if I follow his lead and continue to worship Him.
God, I pray today for our congregation. For those who have doubts. That you will reveal yourself in a way that can help us see who you truly are; that we will worship you in spirit and in truth, even when we don’t fully understand “how” you do what you do or “why” things go a particular way. I thank you for showing up to Thomas and letting him touch your scars in a time of doubt. I praise you for still caring for us when we don’t have the faith to believe. I pray that you continue to grow and develop us and help us to have faith as we seek truth and search out a matter that is hidden by you. Thank you for your love and care. In your name, I pray, Amen.
I Choose To Worship
Verse 1
I choose to worship I choose to bow
Though there’s pain in the offering
I lay it down
Here in the conflict when doubt surrounds
Though my soul is unravelling
I choose You now
Hymn – O Doubting Struggling Christian
Verse 1
O doubting, struggling Christian,
Why thus in anguish pray?
O cease to doubt and struggle,
There is a better way.
O settle it all with Jesus,
O settle it all today;
O cease to doubt and struggle,
O cease to plead and pray;
O rest in His word forever,
And settle it all today.